April 23, 2010
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Debbie Downer. Rar to this day! Vent, vent, vent!
I hate Debbie Downer blogs, but since nobody reads this I feel free to write one.Buckle up kiddies…
I usually nurse the baby when she wakes in the morning and at daycare before I leave her for the day, but today she wasn’t having any of it at daycare. She’d woken early and her schedule–and mine–was just a bit off. So perhaps I’m just feeling blue today because I don’t have my usual double boost of oxytocin, but whatever the cause I’ve got a clingy, seeping sadness following me around today.
For starters, I’m pretty sure I’m going to get a ticket from one of those stupid intersection cameras. I’m usually such a cautious driver, but today I was following a giant truck too closely in an attempt to scoot through an intersection, only to find out too late that truck was basically running a red.
Also, this week Shaun and I were asked to read at a literary series at our favorite bar. I was totally shocked that I was asked: I don’t consider myself a writer—that’s a profession and I simply don’t have thick enough skin or good enough discipline for it. I’m just a person who writes things sometimes. I’m also secretly intimidated to be sharing a stage with my husband. He’s an actual writer. Someone who makes money from and gets interviewed about his work. I’m just a random person with a blog. I accepted the invitation to read because I was flattered and in the moment and I have a general tendency to say “yes!” to most things. But now that I’m sorting through my essays and stories and stuff, I’m realizing that 90% of the things I’ve ever written are pretty craptastic. And as for my bio? What to say? “Chicagoartgirl23 is an egotist with a blog who used to write a lot but nowadays she’s too busy extracting milk from her boobs and working to pay the daycare people to do much of anything else.”
And then there’s work.Can’t really say much more because, well, because.
Sigh.
I used to sit behind a woman at a past job who sighed all the time and it made me want to punch her in the face.
Sigh.
There was a new caregiver at daycare today. Lila usually gets a bit panicked when I leave, but is easily calmed/distracted with toys. This new caregiver, though, made her incredibly uneasy and she was sobbing when I left. That is hard, people. I don’t even know this woman’s name. This whole situation is so unnatural and sick. I just want to leave work and be with my baby. Possible write something worth sharing at this stupid upcoming reading during her nap. But I’m here. So it’s time to put on a happy face and just freaking work.
Comments (4)
Aw, Truly you write really well. It doesn’t matter if you write for a living or during your spare time, a writer is a person who writes, enjoys it and writes well.
I think it’s fantastic you were both asked to do a reading!
Good luck. I’m sure it’ll be amazing.
You are a writer. You ARE. And, you won’t get a ticket from the intersection camera — your license plate was probably blocked by the truck’s cargo.
You used to get so much pleasure from your work (or at least it seemed so here) and now that doesn’t seem to be the case. I hope at some point that you can find a way to stay home with Lila — it sounds like you and her would both like that better. Not that I mind Debbie Downer posts in the slightest, but I do want you to be happy! Good luck… you are a great writer and an awesome mother.
I don’t mind a Debbie Downer post either. It’s real and hopefully a good venting for you.
Oh it would be so cool if you could find a way to stay home with or work with Lila so you would not have to drop her off with the uneasies. However, if you mus work and most of us must, it looks like you’re plugging through it.
I pretty much second everything mdic ^ there says. You are a writer and you’ll do fine. I’d like to hear you read.
The lineament of your articles and listing is large.
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