June 4, 2009
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She grows
Next week I’ll be 7 months pregnant. Up until very recently, I’ve flown under the pregnancy radar, thanks to my super tall, lanky build and a uterus that is apparently just as vertical as the rest of me.
But now that the fetus is making her unmistakable presence known, I am called upon to respond to the following statements/questions more than a dozen times a day.
Colleague: Oh my god. You’re pregnant!
Alter-ego: Actually, I ate a baby for breakfast. I have un-hingable mandibles, like a snake.Colleague: What are you having?
Alter-ego: Indigestion.Colleague: Awwwwwww!
Alter-ego: Please stop making that noise.Colleague: Did you want a girl?
Alter-ego: They both taste the same.Colleague: When are you due?
Alter-ego: Heavy-bodied snakes require twice-monthly feedings.
Colleague: You must be so excited!
Alter-ego: I also enjoy rodents.Kidding aside, I’ve started to dread elevator rides at work. Either a polite regurgitation of the conversation above ensues or I’m asked in a horrifying, syrupy, cringe-worthy voice: “how are you feeling?” My usual response is, “Fine thanks. You?” Because honestly: I feel great. I eat, work out, attend protest rallies, hang out with friends, and work just like a normal person. With better skin, sans sushi and booze. Sure, I miss riding my bike everywhere (I’ve restricted myself to pedestrian paths only) and sex poses a few new and irritating challenges, but no one wants to hear about those issues in an elevator. Even with my short, cheerful response, colleagues still look at me with a lame puppy-dog gaze—like someone getting misty-eyed while watching the Special Olympics. It’s totally unsettling.
The excitement about the Little One really just surges up out of the blue, mostly when I’m with Shaun or when I see little kids around the neighborhood doing cute shit. Last Thursday, I was waiting at the crosswalk with a little girl (with a seriously incredible afro) and her mom when the following ensued.
Mom: It will still be light out when we get home. Should ride bikes?
Girl with Incredible Afro: Oooooooh! Yeah! Yeah! My bike! My bike! I LOVE MY BIKE!On Saturday, I was giving breaks at the admissions desk at work. A family came in with a girl who had a teddy bear peeking out from her backpack zipper. I was reminded of my own girlhood bear, Theodore T. Bearington (aka: Thee). I used to take Thee hiking with me in a similar style. I gave the bear an admissions pin of his own. Stuffed animals love contemporary art.
So there are times when the excitement hits. But these are private, unexpected moments. It is not a perpetual state of being. At work, I work. With friends, I am a friend. When I read, I am reading. When the Little Foot kicks and boogies around inside while I do these things, I smile.
Growing a fetus isn’t all I’ve been up to these days. We opened a gorgeous new exhibition at work. Some of my best employees are moving on with their careers and I’m in the midst of a springtime hiring mini-frenzy. Shaun and I road-tripped it to Michigan to help my cousin move into a beautiful new house. My mom and Rick (her husband) came for a really wonderful visit. Prop 8 was upheld in CA and I was outraged and protested.
Here are a few pictures taken in recent weeks.
Cousin Sheri’s impressive and much-deserved new house that she bought for herself. If ever there’s been a self-made woman, it’s her.
Sheri’s ferret friends.
Sheri’s nature friends.
Me pretending to poop in Sheri’s sandbox. Sheri is two years older than me and when we were little, I loved her so much that I basically did whatever she wanted me to. Once, she told me that my dad’s toilet was broken and that he wanted me to use my sandbox to poop in and bury it like a cat. So I did.
The kids who used to live in Sheri’s house left her a fort in the back yard. I forced Sheri and her friends to get in it and act like cave people.
Sheri and Me + 24-week Fetal Friend.
Sometimes we are capable of acting normal.
This is a picture from Chicago’s May 26th Gay Rights rally. We were all more than pissed about California’s stupid decision to allow minority rights to be put to popular vote.
What do we want? EQUAL RIGHTS! When do we want it? NOW!
Baby’s first protest at 26 weeks. We bumped into my friend Freddy at the rally and he let me borrow his very excellent sign for this photo.If you too were pissed at CA Supreme Court decision, please take a moment to donate to the good people at Lambda Legal. For the unfamiliar: Lambda Legal is the oldest national organization pursuing high-impact litigation, public education and advocacy on behalf of equality and civil rights for lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, transgender people and people with HIV.
Hope all is well with you, gentle reader. Happy spring!
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What does your alter-ego say?
Comments (4)
First of all, oh my gosh those are a lot of ferrets.Secondly, how old were you when you pooped in a sandbox?Finally, my alter-ego tells people who talk too loud on their cell phones on the bus to, “shut the fuck up because nobody wants to hear your stupid conversation.” Then she proceeds to grab their phone and smash it on the floor. My alter-ego is kind of a jerk.p.s. you look good for 7 months. My friend looked like a mama hippo at six for her first kid. Lol…I did not mention this fact to her. p.p.s. susan boyle has ruined I Dreamed a Dream for me…what are your feelings on that song?
Your alter ego had me at unhinging jaws. Congrats to your friend! I do not know what those nature buddies are but I thought it was a bird at first. That photo is going to be a great one to have later. I hope it will be a reminder of a time only and not still an ongoing issue when your daughter finally is old enough to understand it all. I always wanted a mom who was a suffragette and your daughter has our modern equivalent. Lucky!You pooped in a sandbox? That’s like 40 points on the balls scale (point values go up as you age on that one too).I think my alter ego is really quiet these days. The real ego is the one who took a Bible open to a highlighted section on the sin of piety to the lunch table of righteous indignation when they started bashing homosexuals. It just confused them though. Ha!
I think it’s funny that, to me, the picture of you acting normal doesn’t look much like you.
“They both taste the same.” heeehaaaw, that made me choke on my coffee this morning. thanks! : )I saw in one of your other posts that you are watching Trueblood? How do you like that? On a flight to San Fran a few weeks back I watched an episode in those crazy head rest TVs. (the futures so bright!) It was somewhere mid season and I was completely confused. Plus there was a kid behind me and I got a bit self conscious when the boobies started flying all over the screen. I thought for sure a mother was going to stand up and call me out for exposeing her child to giant flying killer boobies. It was a fun, shifty-eyed, is anyone else seeing what I’m seeing on this very public flight, moment for me. I like to think there is a kid from San Fran who is immensely greatful to me and Virgin America.