November 10, 2006
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Precious Moments
WARNING: This post contains a little good natured smut.
One of the funniest things I’ve ever seen in my entire life was when my beloved mother-in-law crammed a fistful of pencils in her mouth, mistaking them for pretzels. We were at a wine tasting in Saugatuck, MI during Shaun’s stepsister’s wedding weekend. Mother-in-law got a little tipsy, felt a little peckish, enthusiastically rooted her fist around in a cup of pencils the wine clerk had at his desk, and threw a fistful in her mouth. To her credit, the pencils were those small, eraserless pencils that you use to keep score of miniature gold games. But still: the image I have of her chomping down on wood and lead makes me laugh hysterically whenever I think of it. And her little face of “what?!” when she didn’t taste salt along with the crunch. Priceless.
The second funniest thing I’ve ever seen came my way yesterday while on assignment in a gay sex shop that I was reviewing for a travel publication. I tried to look nonchalant in my lipstick and hoop earrings as I walked into the shop, which I noted after a quick glance around, caters exclusively to gay men. Namely those interested in prosthetic phalluses the size of Arnold Swarchenegger’s forearm and butt-less leather chaps.
So here I am, poking innocently about the sex shop, wondering what I could possibly write about this store besides “penis, penis, penis, butt hole, penis, penis,” when I see it, the second funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life, shelved neatly next to a painful-looking device called The Massive Crack Attack: a game called Anal Ring Toss.
The Anal Ring Toss package pictures a fresh-faced nineteen-year old boy. The boy’s mouth was shaped in a prim little circle of surprise, eyebrows lifted, eyes doe-like, and a dainty hand placed on his cheek. If it weren’t for the fact that the boy was stark naked with a pole jutting obscenely from his squeaky-clean bottom, you might just think he was imitating the Queen. And to add the final touch of hilarity to the scene, the photo was snapped as a plastic ring was caught mid-air, sailing towards the pole for a winning point.
I couldn’t help it. A laugh burst from my throat when I landed eyes on Anal Ring Toss. A loud laugh. A nice man in a spandex shirt came over and asked if I needed any help. I told him no, thank you. I was just browsing. I wanted to ask if The Anal Ring Toss was a top seller (I mean, with a package that great, how could it not be?), but the laughter started to bubble up in my throat again and I scurried out of the shop so as not to look too immature.
I got the information I needed and wrote up a hot little review last night. And as a little bonus, got another one of those absurd mental images that is sure to make me laugh for years to come.
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Do you have a moment or image that makes you laugh whenever you think of it?EDIT 1:30 pm: Holy crap!!!!!!!! I just got a call from The Lighthouse! I’m the new markering coordinator for the Six Cities Design Festival! I start Monday, November 20 and I am so exicted that I just might pee my pants! The bird is gone! It’s gone!!!!
Comments (5)
In this case, the laughter is somewhat mitigated by the thought of how painful it would be to have a pole driven up one’s Hershey highway.
My friend Patrick is one of those people who constantly gets in situations that make me laugh (sometimes with him, sometimes at him). I can look at him sometimes and immediately remember misadventures that make me laugh for no reason. I think it’s a good thing.
As a fan of the Howard Stern show, I am familiar with anal ring toss (from the show, not from real life). The concept is very funny.
I’m sure I have some of those moments cached away in my head. None spring to mind right now, though.
Congratulations on the job!!! That is fantastic news. I wonder how they decide who has to be the bearer of the pole and who gets to toss. Ow.
When I fist did my husbands dreads and he was combing a bit too voraciously at the roots of one particularly annoying one and it all of a sudden came free of his head his look of shock and sadness caused me to laugh until I nearly wet my pants. Still cracks me up.
Way to go, Truly! The job news is great, and I know you’ll be terrific.
I have this image of the cat I had in college and grad school, Jessica, as about a two-year old. She was chasing her tail, caught it, and bit down. The look of surprise on her face just before she cataported into the next room was priceless.
Innocently poking about the sex shop, that’s funny! I have no experience with the game perosnally; however, a few websites have footage of such a game. I did innocently click on one thinking it was about those inflatable tush cushions that people sometimes have to use on hard chairs. Nope. I was educated in the strangest of ways and clicked out pretty quickly too.
YAY! You got the dream job! I am so happy for you! The bird is flying now! That is so cool. I can’t wait to read all about it!
There are several moments that just make me laugh when picturing them, but I have been sworn to secrecy for most of them. I’ll have to dig around in the memory for one that does not require me to plead the 5th.