October 22, 2006
-
Warning: this post is lame.
A Bag For My Head
When I was a teenager I had acne. Really bad acne. Dermatologist grade acne. Acne so fierce that nothing would kill it: vitamins, natural remedies, over-the counter, dermatologist strength, uber-healthy eating, and oil-free everything did nothing to stop the outcropping of big, cystic bumps surrounded by little pocks. Once, at the tender age of 15, I was told by a fed-up dermatologist, “wow! You probably want to put a bag over your head.”Nothing worked, until Accutane. This drug, prescribed only as a last resort treatment of hellish acne, is famous for provoking extreme depression. And that’s the last thing a moody teenager with a ravaged face needs: to feel even shittier about things.
The drug comes in a packaging plastered with the image of a pregnant woman with the red, crossed-though “no” symbol over her. Apparently, while a person is on Accutane, or even sometimes after one has been on the drug, the only thing they will be capable of conceiving is a hideous monster. Bi-weekly, I had to get blood drawn to ensure I was not pregnant and to check that the drug was not killing me in some other way.
How Accutane works is that it sucks away all the moisture in your body. And not just the oil on your face. Everything. You get dry eyes. You get eczema. You get thirsty. You are a tumbleweed, a dessert, a dry and dusty skeleton.
But, after the horrible treatment is finished, your skin is clear. And you see, that underneath the bumps and lumps, you are pretty after all. Sure, after a while, as your oil level returns to normal, you have a few minor, occasional breakouts, just like anybody. You are still careful with your face, carefully following your ProActive washing regimen, taking your vitamins, eating healthy, wearing oil-free makeup. Eventually, your scars fade. You look nice.
Until you move to Scotland.
Upon arrival to our new Scottish home, I reactivated my ProActive subscription. But this was through the UK Proactive. When it came, it was slightly different. Green and gritty for starters. And it had a night cream with Retinol in it, which always seems to make me break out, even though I hear it works wonders on other people. I called the company and found there was a difference in ingredients. But hey, it was a company I trusted. So it should work, right?
Also, shortly after our arrival, my trusty Neutrogena oil-free pressed powder and concealer ran out. So I bought some Scottish makeup called “Clear Completion,” which I assume is oil-free, but the packaging does not list the ingredients, so it’s hard to tell.
It could be either of these things, it could be both. But my face is completely embarrassing. I look like I’m about to erupt: huge, gory, thundering cysts accented by millions of little pimples have transformed my cute face into something more fitting to monster movie than a 24-year old human. My face has not been this bad since 9th grade, in my life before Accutane. And with the never-ending wait of National Health care, it will be weeks until I can get in to see a dermatologist.
I guess I can be thankful that my skin was fine when I was interviewing for jobs (who wants to hire a hideous beast?). I was hired by Kelly Services to be a temp, but my start date is not until November 8, the date that I’ve been assigned to pick up my National Insurance number (a tax ID sort of thing). While the banes of bureaucracy usually irritate me, I’m sort of thankful that I don’t have to start a new job right now. I look frightening.
Anyhow, I’m going to try to get US ProActive shipped to the UK (which will be costly, but I’m such a mess right now that I’m willing to shell out the cash) and I’m going to order this expensive, all-natural makeup designed for puss faces like myself called Arrbonne.
I’m also soliciting you, my Xanga readership, for some help. Has anyone else gone through this? What have you done?
Your pimply pal,
TrulyP.S. Is it just me, or do dermatologists conspire against us to perpetuate horrendous skin so that we keep going back and giving them our money?
Comments (9)
First, what an insensitive jerk that first dermatologist was.
New places and new people with different kinds of germs/bacteria that’s bound to have an effect on a body. You have my sympathies. I have a colleague with the same problem and she is in her thirties. She uses the Proactive too and it works for her, but it is expensive even here.
I know you said that natural remedies, vitamins and the like did not work in your teens. But your body chemistry is more stable now perhaps? Maybe while you wait for your US Proactive to arrive you could try some of those? I wish I had a cure for you!
Would it be cheaper or less time consuming to have a US resident order the stuff over here and ship it than it would be to get it from the company? I am just fishing about for possible ways to help. If you can get someone over here to ship that then maybe you can get more of your Neutrogena too. (I’ll message you on that.)
I had severe allergies and sensitive skin in my teens and all make-up of any kind had to be researched. (I didn’t have severe breakouts but severe respiratory and other problems.)It is ridiculous that in order to find out the ingredients of many products even here and even at department stores you have to jump through hoops. I think they are in cahoots with dermatologists. And yeah, drug companies and dermatologists make a bundle keeping things hard to get. Not loving them right now.
I thank you for the Arrbonne link, I will research that as I still have to be very careful.
ryc: It’s easy to develop a thicker skin with teenagers who toss insult after insult at you because when you see them you realize they are just kids and they are in all sorts of turmoil, so their lashing out is easy to forgive. However, I have to think that if I were not in the socio-economic environment that I am in, I would have to learn all new skills and ways to handle problems. It is a change and a challenge I look forward to one day because no matter how much of a strong front I can put on for them so they have a consistency in their lives, it takes an emotional toll. But since my family reads my blog and I do not want to depress them I don’t write about coming home and breaking down after a bad day. I save that for the journals!
If there’s anything we can do to ship stuff to you (e.g., your makeup or whatever), let us know.
I had pretty bad acne in my teens as well, and continued to get it into my thirties. I used to use a scrub called Brasoval which was basically soap with gravel in it. I was pre-Acutane and pre-Retin-A, so they had me jacking tetracycline in fairly high dossages. That wasn’t terribly good either.
My dad used to say that dermatology is a license to steal: “If it’s dry, wet it; if it’s wet, dry it, and tell ‘em to come back next week.”
Gee, I use Retin-A and it does wonders. I can’t believe the Brits don’t know about oil-free makeup. They usually have such lovely skin.
As Brad said, we will try to help. We know a good dermatologist.
Lynn
Oh, how do you like the Gaiman book? I thought it got better as it went on.
Lynn
that dermatologist is a clown…
oh man that’s rough.
I agree with you about dermetologists and their perpetuating horrible skin.
Anyway the book recommended by Oates is “The whole story: and other stories”
it’s by ali smith, a scottish writer.
also good is “hotel world” which i need to reread because it’s nuts.
zadie smith is a good author…she’s just not there yet you know? not in the way ali smith is at least.
I mean she forms great sentences, but she has yet to master the art of the paragraph and the page
something that ali smith does masterfully. she’s also well edited down..something more zadie could use.
on beauty had some good lines.
my favorite being: “time is how you spend your love”
so I guess what i’m saying is that I didn’t mean to bash zadie smith, it’s just that I read ali smith right after
so it made it tough. haha good luck with your face!
ryc: I have to admit, I just busted into the spritz again! I am getting them all out of the house tomorrow. With biking season over and walking season here, I will have to walk ridiculous miles to fend off the damage if I lapse!
RYC onBastetMax’ site: more for menopause and imbalance-type disorders than contraception, these days. “The Pill” isn’t the only thing out there, anymore.
Road is the land of a refractory wounds, so every step in life are faint pain.
Post by <a href="http://www.shoxshoes.cc/nike_shox_saya/">nike shox saya