July 25, 2005
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Hello beautiful readers! I apologize for my absence—these past few weeks have been insane. Friends and family delighted Shaun and I with their presence, visiting the weekend before last. This past weekend, after working Monday—Wednesday at the MCA (in addition to an extra video gig Tuesday night), I was off Thursday—Sunday teaching a writing workshop in a town hilariously dubbed Normal, Illinois. Normal it was, I suppose. I’ve been too insanely busy to check my email or Xanga, so don’t feel ignored—you know I love ya. ::smile::
_______________________________________________________________________Put Me Through the Ringer
© The Author, 2005Friday night I stood in the shower, exhausted. My sagging, lifeless limbs dangled around my bloated belly, my tummy too worn from a day of wicked menstrual cramps and emotional knotting to care about erect carriage and taunt muscles. My spine curved inwards, collapsing over my volleyball stomach; under the hot pinpricks of water I became an overgrown seahorse.
The events of the day had shown me a new side of exhaustion—a bleary eyed, nauseated, stiff-necked model that was willing to lie down and submit to pain, too sapped to care. A soldier too tuckered to realize that their lullaby is the gentle tick of a bomb, I cuddled up in the trenches and went to sleep.
Don’t get me wrong—I know exhaustion. I’ve seen more than enough 15-hour work days, juggling jobs, picking up freelance gigs as they come (despite my promises to myself to knock that shit off and “just say no” to the un-needed extra stress). However, prior to teaching this weekend’s particularly challenging four day workshop to a group of teenage girls for a not-for-profit organization called College Summit (www.collegesummit.org), I have never been so exhausted that I’ve laid to rest before every task at hand had been completed, checked, revised at least twice. I typically cannot rest without a feeling of accomplishment, but this time I couldn’t help it.
College Summit is a program designed for mid-tier, low income, urban students to prepare for college application. There are many programs designed to provide outreach for super-achievers and underachievers of this demographic, but far too many students (whose predominantly white, suburban counterparts would be applying to state schools) don’t have the resources to understand the college admissions process. Since many of these students are first-generation high school graduates, college is not even on their radar. Many simply figure that they are not college material. Granted, a “mid-tier” student in Chicago Public Schools might have a 16 on their ACT, but you can thank the whack way our government distributes tax dollars for that. These kids can learn and learn well—its just that they are learning in under funded schools that don’t have the resources to eloquently teach the material they are requested to know for the ACT. Additionally, many have challenges that are even more difficult to overcome than surviving Chicago Public Schools; many of these teens are parents, many have parents who are “in the game” (drug dealing, prostitutions, ect.), many have attended over six schools in three years due to having to be shuttled from foster home to foster home, some have been homeless, some are the youngest of families of sixteen and they are the first to graduate high school, some are the first in their family to stay out of jail.
These students will succeed in college because their willingness and capacity to learn is strong. I know this because I was their Writing Coach, helping them write eloquent, expressive personal statements. These statements are not your average college application essay filled with promises and accomplishments. Since the majority of these kids have a 1.8—2.1 GPA, their essay needs to provide the reader with a picture of them that is bigger than their test scores. Their essays are about who they are as people, and the experiences that set them apart from the average college applicant. Students at College Summit compose essays about lessons they have learned that give them what it takes to make it in college. I like this organization because there are quantifiable results; 80% of students that go through the four-day college summit workshop graduate from college.
Educational inequality is something that I am eager to help combat. I hate societies ignorant reliance on affirmative action to provide diverse populations accessibility to education. Affirmative action is a cosmetic solution to a deep and monstrous problem. If communities pooled our energies (and our shitty government stops jacking around with public school funding) to provide assistance and support to the underrepresented populations at our colleges and workplaces, then diversity can be accomplished without the falsehood of ineffective laws. Diversity is essential to innovative thought, and to a peaceful global existence.
Friday night I came back to my room (our group stayed on the Illinois Wesleyan campus with the students), and I didn’t have the strength to read and comment over my group’s first drafts. After teaching workshops the entire day, I was utterly whipped. Saturday morning, I rose at 4:00am to complete the task before the workshop started at 9:00. Life flowed back to my limbs, and my spine hoisted itself upright when I read the group’s essays; they were beautiful—obscenely and undeniably beautiful.
Despite my initial exhaustion, I returned from the workshop Sunday night at 9:30pm with more energy than I’ve had in a while. We all need a reminder that the world is our oyster, at any time, at any age, and despite and circumstance. Possibilities are endless if you can only get to a place where you can fully embrace them. Every individual has a responsibility to the community to embrace possibility, because not only is it paramount to their personal success and happiness in life, but it is also paramount to peace and equality. Individuals who have embraced possibility have a responsibility to their communities to help others get to that place. It is my vision for the world that this approach will create a momentum that fuels itself, an endless cycle of receiving, achieving, and giving back. Peace is possible—we just have to be willing to go through the ringer for it.
________________________________________________________________What is your vision for the world?
Comments (3)
It’s discouraging to see how bleak the education system is. By the end of my American Heritage class I took in college, I seriously contemplated changing my major to Education so I could just home school my kids. It seemed like there was nothing anyone could do to fix the education problems so all I felt I could do was make sure my kids turned out alright. I got over that. I figured all kids need to experience public school and I can make sure their education is worth while. My dad used to read all the books we were assigned to read up until I started taking AP classes, but I think that greatly contributed to my love of literature. So I can somewhat control my own children’s education but should I really just stop there? I realize that my ability to to do this comes from the fact that I’m not a first generation high school or college graduate. I am a first generation female college grad in my family, though. But still. I can do something to help my community family. Especially now, since I don’t have kids or a husband. Just myself and my job. I never really thought about using this time to help the education scene, I always thought I’d deal with it once my kids were in school. I really admire your willingness to go through the ringer for kids you barely know. How do you find out about opportunities like that?
Another bleak vision of education in America came when I started working for the company I work at now. They build educational software for students in pre-school through third grade. As a ‘Welcome to Our Company’ lunch/conference, the president showed us all these statitistics about how sucky education is and how adding teachers and decreasing class size really doesn’t help. The president of our company believes that the only way to fix education is through technology. While I think he may be more than a little bit full of himself, some of his points were convincing.
Before I worked at this job, I was a substitute teacher for middle school and high school. I remember one reading class, seventh grade. The assignment I was supposed to help them with was really stupid and I asked the kids what the point of this class was. They said that their teacher said that since the required English class teaches them all they’re required to know for both English and reading, he can do whatever he wants with them. The assignment was a worksheet on word parts. That’s important to learn, but it was so discouraging to see how the teacher taught that. I thought maybe it was just because he knew he was going to have a sub, but when I looked around his room, all I saw were different versions of these worksheets. I found his lesson plans for the whole year (I really enjoyed snooping around teachers desks…) and all he was planning to do everyday for the whole year was photocopy these worksheets. It was so sad! I could only imagine what I’d do with a reading class where I wasn’t bound by state guidelines. I’d have the kids actually reading books! You can teach word parts while reading a book. Instead of being creative or engaging, this teacher choose to sit on his ass all year and make the kids hate learning.
I don’t know what my vision for the world is. It’s hard for me to think that broadly. Most of the time, I really feel that the only people I can have an effective impact on will be my children. It’s hard to look beyond that. It’s exciting to know that programs like College Summit do exist and are effective. 80% finish college. That’s amazing.
It’s awesome that you do that. It has been written, accurately I think, that the educational system pours most of its resources into the top tier and bottom tier of students, but the students in the middle (like a middle child) are left to fend for themselves. It’s a disservice to millions of students who deserve opportunity. We all should give back when possible.
You make ME feel tired just by reading this. It’s wonderful you do work like that. I’m afraid I have no vision of the world right now. I got all misty-eyed and idealistic during the election season, but felt that I was slapped down by and iron hand after the election. I was depressed about it for a long time and can’t seem to get myself back to the point where I want to do any volunteer work again.
RYC: That class is nearly impossible to get into. You can only join if there’s a vacated space–and I’m sure I could only get in because the teacher likes me. It’s also wildly expensive. I really thought two, three times about calling the teacher again, because I’m not sure we have to money for this thing. So, I don’t think it’s a realistic gift for Shaun. I had to wait 6 months before I got into it the first time.
Lynn